Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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