Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
