I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Michael Bay diarrhea
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
