How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
