I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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