I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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