I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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