was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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