Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
