I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
