guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
