so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
