Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
