At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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