I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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