A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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