just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
