____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I want a musical about memes.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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