Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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