That's intense
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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