Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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