There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
