Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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