just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
