I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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