I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
