The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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