So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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