yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
