The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
