How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
