butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
