I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
