So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Are we still banned from the library?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
