stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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