i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
