well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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