Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
