Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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