just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
