He uses pillows to masturbate.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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