smell my finger.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
