remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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