Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
