What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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