So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
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I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
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I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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