So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I didn't shave. On purpose
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
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He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
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No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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