Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wish you could order shots online.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Randomize
