I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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