he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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