Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
