Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
