ya dads aren't the best wingmen
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Randomize
