I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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