Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
