I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize