just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize