Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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