Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
