two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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