so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize