all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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