my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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