Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
