i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
