I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
