My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
did you just send me my own nude
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
