He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
