I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Randomize