my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
