just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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