now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Randomize
