But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
