pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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