Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You work out of a Hotel?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
