Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
no, he came in my armpit
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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