Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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