Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
