SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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