I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
