ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
