oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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